Kidnapping A Cub

What do you do when you find yourself accidentally, on purpose dating a cub? You panic! And think this CANNOT be happening.

What the hell are you thinking!?

But seriously, a 6 year age difference and he is the cub. Everything in your past is screaming at you that this is a TERRIBLE idea. And you know it and it’s going well but you are just waiting in the moment for shit to go bottoms up.

Advertisements

Just My Luck Dude

Girl meets boy. Boy meets girl. Both hit it off. Have a fantastic date. Moving forward to more dates, bumping uglies, and making future plans.

Then boy stops abruptly speaking to girl. Girl thinks it’s her. It’s always her. It always happens to her.

Attempts to communicate, to find an answer go unanswered. It’s always her.

Pain seeps out. Hurt. Anger. Sadness. Zero self worth. It’s always her.

Girl wakes up one day and says, “Fuck the world.” It’s not her.

Boy misses out on a great catch. A smart, beautiful, talented, hard working woman. It’s not her.

Girl focuses on her career because her career will never leave her. Boy will.

Girl, it’s just your luck dude.

Letter Update

Dear Key Pal [Mr. Greek],

Yes. I met a dude at a bar and had a healthy conversation. His name is [Waynesboro]. Since then it has been polite hello’s and excuse me’s. But that’s it and I’m cool with it. He’s one of those quiet nice guys that never gets noticed. Which is all well and fine but I’m not going out of my way to make friends.

However, the man front is ever changing and I have a new flavor of the month. His name is [Sunny] and he lives in California. I knew him prior to him moving there but I really know how to pick them right? At least sex can’t complicate this one. Only distance, which is exactly why the last relationship bit the dust. Well he also sucked at communication. Nevertheless, that’s where the revolving door of men currently stands.

Also, can’t remember if I told you or not but I had surgery last month. Just got my results back and I’m in the clear. Whoop!

And I’m making cookies tomorrow.

How’s your life? Ballin out in the desert?

Sincerely,

Key Pal [Nelson]

Wedding vs. Marriage

After reading the article below, I had a moment of revelation. I saw the light. The light bulb was burning bright in my head. This is Goose.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/11/01/living/wedding-marriage-splits/index.html

Background: Goose and I have been friends since high school. I’m not really sure why but we are somehow still friends. Goose is and always has been insane when it comes to men. I’ve never known her to be without a men for more than a week. Typically she doesn’t leave one man until she has another lined up. She is truly one of those women who cannot live without a man.

Throughout most of our high school years she dated one guy. One of those on-again, off-again things. Mostly on though. She was totally engrossed with him. He was all she could see. After we graduated she continued on with her relationship. She broke up with him for about a year at one point. But never fear they got back together.

In June of 2010 they got married and planned their happily ever after.

Modern Day: She filed for divorce about a year after she got married. I was shocked. Honestly floored. We discussed some of the issues they were having, and she did keep a great deal to herself. I assume (not having been in the situation) that there are just things that she knows but never wants to say aloud.

I asked her at one point if she knew on her wedding day that she didn’t want to get married. She said yes. I asked her why she did then. She replied with “Because I was doing what everyone else wanted me to do.”

I don’t get it. How can you get married and know that you really didn’t want to? Again, floored but this information.

But never fear, there are more surprises in store. She cheated on her husband. An emotional affair with just a kiss, but nonetheless cheating. She is still with the guy. She’s a hopeless romantic honestly. They’ve been together for 4 months. I see both good and bad in the relationship. He encourages her alot to write, develop her music, dance, expand her mind. Again, all positive things, which I’m very grateful for.

But here’s the kicker. He’s still married (in the process of divorce) and has a child. (Wait for it) And they are discussing marriage! 

Again, insane!  I really am trying to be supportive but things like this make me never ever ever want to get married. It’s scary as hell.

I also worry that she is going to jump into something and later realize it was a horrible idea. One divorce was hard enough. Two would nearly kill her. Not to mention the fact that the whole idea of marriage has been completely defiled.

Marriage is like a new game. It’s just for sport and I don’t want to play because the rules are too damn crazy!

Wayward Of The Great Big Highway

So Clapper and I dated for give or take 6 months, officially and unofficially. We had a wonderful relationship of convinence. We fell into a stay over relationship. I went to his place to stay but only after 9PM and to sleep, maybe have sex but even that only happened twice / three times? We went out to the bar sometimes. Me with my friends. Him with his. Never together. We never ate together. No real dates. No friend / family introductions. It was, again, a relationship of convinence.

We enjoyed spending time with each other but as far as connecting, getting close, forging meaningful connections…totally not happening. We lived in the moment with no plans or intentions for the future.

But there was a problem. I let myself care. I allowed myself to let my guard down (at the encouragement of many). And it was going well until he decided to move to Michigan. 3 weeks later he was gone and little did I know it but so was “us”. Slowly he forgot about me. He didn’t miss me. Or if he did, he didn’t care enough to tell me. Communication was sub par at best and despite my clear expression of how this needed to improve in order for “us” to make it, communication stopped. After 2 weeks I considered our relationship expired and gone wayward of the great big highway, much like he physically did.

I started to think: Honestly, I’m numb as they come at the moment. I don’t want to even make an effort with men. Why should I? I’m used up. I’m clearly only an object of sexually attraction or momentary fulfillment. I don’t have the care to pursue a relationship. I’m too single. I’m too free. I’m too me to be a part of anyone else. It’ll always be just me. I honestly believe I’ll never get married and no babies either. 

Oddly enough, upon making this declaration to myself. I start noticing men knocking at my door. I’ve had one begin to actively pursue me with daily communication. I had another announce that he would do the work to get me. Both of which have flabbergasted me. And neither of which I’m going to bend over backwards for.

Apparently acting like you don’t give a fuck anymore attracts men in droves.

Stroke It Out

So this week as been damn right awful. It started off with 102 degree fever and being sick for 3 days. Thursday wasn’t too bad. Spend all day with Sunshine in the Sunshine. Took Shen to the vet, which was a bit of a nightmare. I can’t stand it when other people can’t control their animals. I don’t want your dog in my dog’s personal space. Please and thank you.

Friday came and with it came hell on wheels. We put my grandmother in the hospital. She wasn’t making any sense. She was talking but her words weren’t coming out correctly. For instance she would try to ask for a glass of water and it would come out as “I glass ice.”

Long story short, I got to sleep in the hospital Friday evening. Saturday came with a confirmed diagnosis of a stroke. Some of her speech and writing may come back with time, but all of it may not. So we are in for long all now.

The rest of Saturday, however, went much much better. I went to see Iamsohip. We had an excellent evening consisting of bitching without judgment, boozing, and boys. We went out to a local bar where I got to see LNAYX. God I have missed him! We got to hang and talk about the rest of summer. I got to hang out with Mr. Delicious as well. Turns out, by the way, that I am going to Ring Figure with him. Holla. Now I gots to finds a dress.

And the best part of the evening was when Clapper came and picked me up. We went home and (Mr. Boxer stop reading here and go to the next paragraph) did the dirty. I got me a unicorn. Hot damn! It was wonderful. He dropped the r word, “relationship”, and I didn’t fight it. We, Clapper and I, are in a relationship. It has been established.

I gots me a unicorn.

Free Thinking

Whimsy challenged others to answer the 50 questions on the website, just as she did.  There are no right or wrong answers. Just a flow of free thinking.

Challenge accepted.

Ready.
Set.
Go.

  1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? 27. Old enough to be taken seriously, but young enough to still have fun without having judgment passed.
  2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Never trying because then you always wonder “what if”. For me, that is one of the worse possible things ever.
  3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Easy. We do the things we don’t like because we feel obligated too by society or others around us, but we like many things that we don’t do because those are the things that we really want to do. Those are the things that our soul wants to dance with.
  4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? No. Actions speak louder than words and my work should speak for itself.
  5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? The importance of cultural enrichment and that when you are doing something that doesn’t make you happy…change it.
  6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Being free, and doing something greater than myself.
  7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? Currently I’m transitioning. I’m moving toward something that I love. I know better than to settle.
  8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? No. I make everyday what it should be. Things will happen or they won’t. In the mean time I’m not going to worry about it.
  9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? A larger degree. I am responsible for my own happiness and I’m not going to let someone tell me how to live my life.
  10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing the right things. Your honor is all you have in the end.
  11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? Stop them. I remind them to never pass judgment on someone they don’t know. At the same time if they do know the person, then they are entitled to their opinion but I would ask them to refrain from talking about them negatively in front of me.
  12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Decide what is real.
  13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? Yes.
  14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? No but this would be a glorious thing to witness.
  15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Think. I think a lot differently than others.
  16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? Because those are the things that light up my soul. Everyone is different.
  17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back? Live overseas. The only thing holding me back is finding a job.
  18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Yes. Always.
  19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? State–Montana. It is so beautiful and it makes me feel at peace. Country–Not sure. Probably somewhere in Europe.
  20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? I only push the button once.
  21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? Joyful simpleton. No need to worry ones head off about things you can’t control.
  22. Why are you, you? My past makes me who I am but it does not define my future.
  23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? Yes. I will do anything for my friends. I love them all dearly.
  24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch with a good friend who lives near.
  25. What are you most grateful for? My mother teaching me to never settle for anything.
  26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? Lose all my old memories. If you could never make new ones, it means that you would never live.
  27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? If you honestly believe in it, yes.
  28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? Yes. Many times.
  29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? Yes and yes. It defined my relationship with my father.
  30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? It’s not a single memory but a number of feelings that I remember from childhood that always occurred around Sunshine. She’s my rock.
  31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? Now. Right now with Clapper.
  32. If not now, then when? Immediately. Never delay for you may not have tomorrow to play.
  33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? Nothing.
  34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? Absolutely. Those are some of my favorite memories.
  35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Because people will die for what they love and anything that challenges it.
  36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? No. Too many things wade in the gray area.
  37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? Yes, but only after I got a job doing something that I love.
  38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? More work that I actually enjoy. Makes you feel much more accomplished.
  39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? Yes. I don’t like the repeat button.
  40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? Honestly I haven’t the slightest clue and that’s disappointing.
  41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? No one. I’d count my blessings with Mother Nature.
  42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? No. Beauty is only skin deep.
  43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Being alive means that you are going through life doing nothing profound. Living means that you are actively participating in your life.
  44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? After about 30 seconds. Makes head and tails of the situation and just go with your gut. If you are wrong then you will learn something.
  45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? Making a mistake means you fail. Failure is frowned upon by society.
  46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Nothing really. I do what I want now and don’t really care what people think. I am me. You are going to like me or you aren’t.
  47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? When I was sick. So winter time I suppose.
  48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? I love being free, and a majority of my recent actions clearly display this.
  49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? I’ll remember a few things, like rescuing kittens with Iamsohip, because it is an action bigger than myself. I’ll remember Flag Day, because it’s Clapper’s birthday.
  50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? Making them for myself. I am responsible for my own life.

A Free Mind Will Rest Follow (Yoda) I came across this website that listed 50 questions that would free your mind.  There’s no right or wrong answer.  So.  I will now expose my mind via blog by answering 25 of the 50 questions.  I encourage you to do the same.  You’d be surprised at what you’re forced to reflect on. 1)  How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? I’d be the toddler who gets pissed at herself for falling down, but gets back up anyway. 2)  Which is worse … Read More

via Whimsy