I Have To Share My Birthday

I have to share my birthday. It is inevitable, and I’m ok with it…unless I actually know the person that I have to share it with. Then I’m not a happy camper.

Either way, I did a little digging. Check on which famous people I share a birthday with.

John Le Carré–He is a UK author and I’ve never read any of books, much less heard of them.

Annie Smith Peck–A famous climber from the US.

John Edward–An author and apparently a psychic. He had a TV show called “Crossing Over with John Edward”.

Jason Reitman–Film Director. His most popular films were “Juno” and “Up in the Air”.

Robert Reed–Also known as Mike Brady from “The Brady Bunch”.

Charles Edward Merrill–As in the co-founder of the investment banking company Merrill Lynch.

Ty Pennington–Formally of the show “Trading Spaces”. Now host of “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”. None of this matters because when he takes off his shirt, no one is listening to what he saying. Yum.

Evander Holyfield–A professional boxer known mainly because he had his ear beaten off by Mike Tyson.

 

After review the list, I was a bit disappointed. So I decided to check 0ut a few of my friend’s birthday to see if they shared it with anyone hip. This is what I found.

 

Ms. EatsPlentyOfCheeseburgers (April 13) shares a birthday with Samuel Beckett, and Thomas Jefferson.

Iamsohip (April 19) shares a birthday with Kate HudsonJames FrancoJesse JamesAshley Judd, and Maria Sharapova.

Ma (April 23) shares a birthday with John CenaGeorge LopezShirley TempleWilliam Shakespeare, and Timothy McVeigh.

Wee (April 26) shares a birthday with Jet LiKevin James, and Carol Burnett.

Clapper (June 14) shares a birthday with Boy GeorgeHarriet Beecher Stowe, and Donald Trump.

Sunshine (Oct 14) shares a birthday with UsherRalph LaurenE. E. CummingsDwight D. Eisenhower, and William Penn.

Peace and Boot (Dec 2) share a birthday with Britney SpearsNelly FurtadoStone Phillips, and Gianni Versace.

 

Also anyone born on Feb 12 must know that I am extremely jealous. You share a birthday with my secret lover Abraham Lincoln.

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Happiness

I really don’t understand why people continue in relationships when they are clearly unhappy. It makes zero sense. Zero. I constantly here people complain about how their significant other does this or that. And the things that they describe are pretty bad. Deal breakers for me. But when I comment “I don’t see why you put up with that shit.” I get shunned. They act all offended like I shot their dog or something, and it literally makes me want to vomit when they say “But I love them.” All well and fine but the good always should out weigh the bad and when it stops so should your shitty ass relationship.

If you are unhappy, then do not complain about the situation and if you do I have no sympathy. Unhappiness should be followed by change. Change for the better. As Boot says you are responsible for your own happiness. Furthermore, your happiness should never be invested in anyone other than yourself. Investing your happiness in others is a recipe for disaster.

The fakeness and “trying to make it work” in most of today’s relationships is turning me off to relationships all together. It makes me never want to get married. I’d rather be happy, travel the world, and get my love when I need it from healthy sources.

Once Last Goodbye

At the college I went to, when you are a freshman, you are paired with senior mentor. The bond that you form with them is irreplaceable. So in honor of my “freshman” graduating this year, both is the senior narrative that I wrote. Hard to believe it was 4 years ago, but every last word of it is still true.

“I may not have enjoyed it all, but I’m grateful for the lessons that I learned, and the amazing friends I gained. To Papa: Thank you for reminding me that simple is all you need. To G-ma: Having a back bone is critical. To Granny: Thank you for teaching me what not to be. To Gail: Striving for perfection is never that far out of your reach. You just need to apply yourself. To Ma: Although it may hurt, brutal honesty is the best answer. To My Father: No matter what happens, I will always love you. To Beth: Thank you for not allowing me to settle for anything less. Word to your llama. To Jay: Thank you for being the Dad that I needed later in life. P.S. Don’t tell Beth about Hooters. To Sunshine: Laughter is key and there is a reason why God did not make us sisters. Remember, throw those hands up. To Wee: Never let anyone stand in the way of your dreams. To PR: My standards are high. P.S. To Holly: We will get what we want out of life. To Boot: Be strong and never leave your computer to bake in the sun. Haha. To Motherly: Your advice is the best. Do the dance! To Weebit: It still amazes me how two completely opposite people can get along so well. ATL. To Charlie: Thank you for the advice over the  years. It has gone further than you think. P.S. I taking Horus! To Brownie, Karbear, Jackie, Mr. Bear, HairSwoop, Baity, Zack, Mike, Fish, D-Ray, Jared, Chris, Blincoe, Timmy and Pope: Thank you for endless hours of laughter. Also, Chris, Thank you for baseball. To my closest friends: Remember what happened in Old Town/ NYC/ Tampa/ on “The Boat”, stays there. To my dykes: Abby, Anya and Hatley, you were the best, and even better you were 2007! To my co-dykes: I think we lived up to what our dykes wanted us to. To my Rat-Tie: Christopher, I could not have asked for a better Rat. Just think, we met when you were ready to leave, and I’m thankful you stayed. Make your dyke proud! Keep your head up and I’ll catch you on the flip side.”

Bros Before Hoes And Chicks Before Dicks

Remember how you use to interact with all your married/in a serious relationship friends, and now you don’t? I do. I have many friends that are currently married or in a serious relationship and we just don’t click like we use to. Let’s give examples.

1. We can start with GoldDigger and My Father. Now I realize that they are “family” (gag), but I do feel like the redheaded step child, which I’m ok with because they leave me alone for the most part. But it seems like since they have entered married life everything revolves around her family. All holidays are spent with her family. All vacations, her idea/her family. All Saturday evening plans, her family. It seems that nothing that My Father does is for himself. Sure he enjoys what he does but he is contributing no original thought to the situation. My Father and I have never really been close, but he has changed since marriage. From the way he dresses, to his hobbies, to taking vacations (he never use to take those). His change, although for the most part for the better, has driven him even further from me. We have nothing in common, build no new memories, and his continuous apologizing for the past while rubbing the future in my face has to stop.

2. Next, we have Mr. Bear. Oh lord where do I begin? Well Mr. Bear has a serious track record of finding a new girlfriend and literally spending every waking minute with her, ditching his friends for the most part, and doing any and everything that she wants to do. Currently, Mr. Bear has a newer girlfriend. He has been seeing her for about 7 or 8 weeks.

Now, let me back up just a second and explain how Mr. Bear is dick to his friends when he has a significant other. A few weeks ago Mr. Bear and PR attended a wedding of a close friend of theirs. The night of the wedding Mr. Bear got all wasty faced, per usual. His girl called. He said he’d call her back later in the evening. She got mad. (Crazy cunts.) Later on in the evening Mr. Bear did indeed call his girl back. He had had several glasses of wine and called his girl by PR’s actual name on the phone repeatedly. Naturally his girl got pissed. I can’t say I blame her really. I would have done the same thing. Whatever.

Moving on to Monday. PR had changed her Facebook profile picture to a photo of her and Mr. Bear. A really great photo of them really. Well this apparently did not sit well with all parties involved. PR was working in the hospital all day Monday and could not answer her phone. Mr. Bear called PR six times saying that it was important and she needed to call him back. So after she left work, mind you the last thing she did was watch one of her patients die, she called him. He proceeds to tell her, “She was a fucking idiot and what was she thinking changing the profile picture. Blah, blah, blah.” He continues to rant and rave saying, “How could she be so stupid to put her profile picture of her and him, and his girl is pissed, and what kind of person is PR.” PR counters with the logical response of “Are you serious? We’ve been best friends and I love you like brother, and she needs to understand that I’m not going to be some selective friend and only be there when it’s ok.” His response, “I love her. Whatever she says goes and if she doesn’t like you, then I can’t like you type of deal.” PR lost her nugget. “If he can’t have the balls to tell her to calm the fuck down, we are just friends type of deal, then he’s fucked up and she wants no part of his future.” Mr. Bear, “Have a good one.”

Do you see my point? Mr. Bear has been dating this girl for weeks, literally, and he has shit all over PR who has been his friend for years. I mean seriously, what the fuck dude?

_________

Now, I will have to say that despite all the evidence listed above, I do have a few friends that are married or in a serious relationship and nothing has changed. I love and appreciate these friends more than they know for being themselves and balancing their relationships. If anything they have learned how to balance their relationships due to some of their own fuck ups in the past. So thank you Boot and her man, Mr. Breadstick and Ms. Ineedacheeseburger, and Romeo and Juliet, for being in relationships and not changing.

_________

The bottom line of this post is just this, if you choose to be in a relationship, that’s all well and fine, but do not loose your friends and family over your significant other. No one is worth that and when that shit blows up in your face you’ll realize just how alone you really are.

Dating

http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/02/11/second.time.dating/index.html

There are 40 plus years between Mrs. Hayes and myself, yet I can relate to her so well in this article. How is that two individual’s so far apart can relate over the simple topic of dating? I know that everything that she describing about new relationships is so, so true for me.

As I was reading this article, I was completing a mental checklist of agreements. Four big points that she makes in the article really touched me. The first, access. Where in the world do you go to meet people? I don’t want to go to a bar and pick up men. Somehow I don’t see me finding Prince Charming in a bar. Most of the men in a bar only want to fuck you. Quick and dirty. In and out. I don’t want to go to a church group organizational type thing. It’s just not my cup of tea. I probably shouldn’t date in my group of friends. It just complicates far too many things. Finally, I do not do the online dating thing. I just can’t bring myself to do it.  So what does that leave me? I honestly can’t think of anything. Sure I can go about my daily life and just hope Mr. Right falls out of the sky, but the chances of that happening are slim to none.

The second item that Mrs. Hayes discusses is emotions from past relationships dictating actions in new relationships. Please leave your emotional baggage at the door. Part of being in a relationship means that you have be emotional sound. You can’t be bouncing around like a crack rabbit. I do have a mild tenacity to do this sometimes. I’ll tell you I like you and then when you get close, I push you away. But more often than not, I do put myself out there and the guy is the one that freaks out and panics. He allows a previous situation with a girl dictate his emotions and ruin his current situation with a girl. So please, please stop it! Stop worrying about everything and just breathe.

Third, Mrs. Hayes noted the expectations piece of a new relationship. I’m totally guilty of this. I have a expectations, but they aren’t want you think they are. I, for the most part, just assume that when a guy doesn’t do certain things that the situation is going to hell in a hand basket and I get the hell out of there. Quickly. I know this is wrong but I’m slowly attempting to get over it. I need to get over it. I need that open mind.

Finally, I do bring experience to the table. Much like my friend Boot use my experience to clear up somethings from the beginning. My experience also lets me know when to trust and when not too.

So now it’s time to take my lessons and jump into the next great thing. What it is I don’t know, but I know I’m ready for whatever comes my way.

 

Hi. I’m A Samantha/Miranda

One of my dearest friends, PR, categorized each of the roommates as one of the characters from Sex in the City.

PR: “Well let’s see. Boot you are most definitely a Charlotte. Motherly, you are too. I’m definitely Carrie. Nelson, you are a bit of Samantha and a bit of Miranda.”

Initially offend, I started to think about how I got the mixture of the poorly dressed, career chasing slut. Was I really so career driven that I didn’t see what was right in front of me? Maybe. Yes. Well ok fine. I don’t like acknowledging that sometimes what I need is right in front of me. I am far too damn independent to admit that to myself or anyone else. And when I do, the shit just hits the fan. I’m comfortable just being with myself and my career. Alone. But I don’t really like to be alone. So now I’m just overly complicated. Yep. That pretty much sounds like Miranda.

Did I really dress that bad? Well no, but I did dress for comfort so I can see that. Girls show up decked to the 9’s. Well I could do that to but I’d rather go in a pair of hot shorts, comfortable heels, and a stylish shirt. Hair up and not holding my purse. Could I do a mini dress and heels? Absolutely and look gorgeous doing so, but I like to be able to  move in my dress and feel my feet the next day. Jeans and a sweet tee is where it’s at. Another point for Miranda.

Was I really a slut like Samantha? Er, well, kind of. I mean I felt completely justified in all my actions, but so did Samantha. Damn. I don’t spread Christmas cheer like Samantha though. That’s good on me. But I do know exactly what I want and I generally get it. I exert confidence in everything that I do. Charming people is just a part of my job and boy have I devoured some men in my life, not that they minded. Yep. There’s team Samantha.

So I guess PR called it right. I am a Samantha/Miranda. An overly cocky, occasionally well dressed, confident smartass, who enjoys the chase and the challenge. And now this sounds like a personal advertisement.