I Have To Share My Birthday

I have to share my birthday. It is inevitable, and I’m ok with it…unless I actually know the person that I have to share it with. Then I’m not a happy camper.

Either way, I did a little digging. Check on which famous people I share a birthday with.

John Le Carré–He is a UK author and I’ve never read any of books, much less heard of them.

Annie Smith Peck–A famous climber from the US.

John Edward–An author and apparently a psychic. He had a TV show called “Crossing Over with John Edward”.

Jason Reitman–Film Director. His most popular films were “Juno” and “Up in the Air”.

Robert Reed–Also known as Mike Brady from “The Brady Bunch”.

Charles Edward Merrill–As in the co-founder of the investment banking company Merrill Lynch.

Ty Pennington–Formally of the show “Trading Spaces”. Now host of “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”. None of this matters because when he takes off his shirt, no one is listening to what he saying. Yum.

Evander Holyfield–A professional boxer known mainly because he had his ear beaten off by Mike Tyson.

 

After review the list, I was a bit disappointed. So I decided to check 0ut a few of my friend’s birthday to see if they shared it with anyone hip. This is what I found.

 

Ms. EatsPlentyOfCheeseburgers (April 13) shares a birthday with Samuel Beckett, and Thomas Jefferson.

Iamsohip (April 19) shares a birthday with Kate HudsonJames FrancoJesse JamesAshley Judd, and Maria Sharapova.

Ma (April 23) shares a birthday with John CenaGeorge LopezShirley TempleWilliam Shakespeare, and Timothy McVeigh.

Wee (April 26) shares a birthday with Jet LiKevin James, and Carol Burnett.

Clapper (June 14) shares a birthday with Boy GeorgeHarriet Beecher Stowe, and Donald Trump.

Sunshine (Oct 14) shares a birthday with UsherRalph LaurenE. E. CummingsDwight D. Eisenhower, and William Penn.

Peace and Boot (Dec 2) share a birthday with Britney SpearsNelly FurtadoStone Phillips, and Gianni Versace.

 

Also anyone born on Feb 12 must know that I am extremely jealous. You share a birthday with my secret lover Abraham Lincoln.

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One Thing After Another

Here are the basics.
I’m panicking about not having a job.
I got in a argument with my mother because I’m sick and tired of her asking me for money.
My replacement annoys the shit out of me.
I hate that I have to keep smiling when I’d rather just sit down and scream.
I’m lonely.
I’m tired of people taking advantage of me.
I do not care to repair the relationship with my father even though he seems to think it’s a notable cause.
I really just want to disappear, start over and get away from the leeches in my life.
All of this makes me feel utterly fucking worthless.
I just feel like everyone has their niche. I feel utterly lost in comparison.
It’s like a life crisis at 23 and that is absurd.

Sunshine Is Beyond Random

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Today was a highly adventurous day for Sunshine and I. We started off the day late but made our way to the beach which ended as quickly as it started. Why you ask? Simple. The wind was blowing at 20 miles per hour across the sand. If you don’t know what that means I’ll break it down for you. You’re standing there enjoy the waves and the breeze. Ah yes. What a nice breeze. Then it starts to sting. Ow. Ow. Owwwww. It get worse. It’s like being sand blasted constantly at different speeds. It fucking hurts!

So we made our way back to the driveway. I washed the truck, got hit on by the man checking the telephone poles. Awkward. Real awkward.

I ran in my Vibrams today. It was nice. Going to take a bit to adjust to them, but it felt good.

After this all, sense for Sunshine and I went out the window, completely. We discussed what it would be like to go through life without thumbs. The picture above is how Sunshine would drink water. (Blonde moment clearly.)

But in keeping with Sunshine’s randomness, this scene occurred.  We were watching a show about this man was having reconstructive surgery on his face and she looks at me, dead pan face, and goes “google pregnant midgets”. No lie.

But that was after I said this to her: “Damn I need to keep you around more often. You made my bed, you fixed my food, you washed my clothes and folded them, you washed the dishes, and you just spoon fed me. Why don’t you have a boyfriend again?” I’m such as ass. Ha. Our friend told me he’d punch me.

Finally, we topped off the night with with this quote “We are grown ass women trying to make fart noises with our armpits.”

(We failed by the way.)

Another rare thing about today is that I have literally talked to everyone today. Clapper with his random comments about the place that I’m staying. Mr. Soup and his serious comment about being serious and territorial. My friend from Cali. Mr. Delicious and well us just being normal friends. Mr. Breadstick and our general conversations. Ma. Peace and Gaga. Romeo and Juliet. Ms. EatsPlentyOfCheeseburgers and our crazy in tune thoughts. And finally iamsohip and James Taylor, among other things.

What a day. Time for late night sexting. Hot damnnn.

Once Last Goodbye

At the college I went to, when you are a freshman, you are paired with senior mentor. The bond that you form with them is irreplaceable. So in honor of my “freshman” graduating this year, both is the senior narrative that I wrote. Hard to believe it was 4 years ago, but every last word of it is still true.

“I may not have enjoyed it all, but I’m grateful for the lessons that I learned, and the amazing friends I gained. To Papa: Thank you for reminding me that simple is all you need. To G-ma: Having a back bone is critical. To Granny: Thank you for teaching me what not to be. To Gail: Striving for perfection is never that far out of your reach. You just need to apply yourself. To Ma: Although it may hurt, brutal honesty is the best answer. To My Father: No matter what happens, I will always love you. To Beth: Thank you for not allowing me to settle for anything less. Word to your llama. To Jay: Thank you for being the Dad that I needed later in life. P.S. Don’t tell Beth about Hooters. To Sunshine: Laughter is key and there is a reason why God did not make us sisters. Remember, throw those hands up. To Wee: Never let anyone stand in the way of your dreams. To PR: My standards are high. P.S. To Holly: We will get what we want out of life. To Boot: Be strong and never leave your computer to bake in the sun. Haha. To Motherly: Your advice is the best. Do the dance! To Weebit: It still amazes me how two completely opposite people can get along so well. ATL. To Charlie: Thank you for the advice over the  years. It has gone further than you think. P.S. I taking Horus! To Brownie, Karbear, Jackie, Mr. Bear, HairSwoop, Baity, Zack, Mike, Fish, D-Ray, Jared, Chris, Blincoe, Timmy and Pope: Thank you for endless hours of laughter. Also, Chris, Thank you for baseball. To my closest friends: Remember what happened in Old Town/ NYC/ Tampa/ on “The Boat”, stays there. To my dykes: Abby, Anya and Hatley, you were the best, and even better you were 2007! To my co-dykes: I think we lived up to what our dykes wanted us to. To my Rat-Tie: Christopher, I could not have asked for a better Rat. Just think, we met when you were ready to leave, and I’m thankful you stayed. Make your dyke proud! Keep your head up and I’ll catch you on the flip side.”

Swirling In Thought

Ok ok. So I know I haven’t posted recently. I have been so over whelmed by my own thoughts that I haven’t been able to get anything out on paper, or rather out of my finger tips and on to this here screen. My thoughts have been racing from one situation to the next. Thoughts all pointing to chance…and change.

My job is changing. I’m getting a new one. Don’t know where or what yet but it is going to change. I made my first big girl step and applies for 2 jobs and am networking into a few others hopefully. I’m considering working two jobs just so I can have one that I enjoy. But I’ll keep all that hush hush for the moment. When things work out, and even if they don’t, you’ll hear all about my irrational thoughts at some point.

Along with the job comes the move. The very thing that is driving this ship currently. Driving right out of this state and into another one. Which one, I don’t know, and frankly it doesn’t much matter as long as I can smell the roses, feel the wind, and dance with my eyes closed.Maybe I’ll be by the seaside. Maybe in the mountains. Wherever it is I know I’ll be home because home is where my heart beats the fondest.

Then comes the matter of men. Part of me says “Fuck them all. Literally. And when you come up short handed (Mr. Boxer stop reading here and skip to the next paragraph.) that’s why you have the battery operated boyfriend. The worst thing he can do is die on you. But never fear, your local grocery store is always there.

Another part of me wants to sit back and see who comes to me. Then again I’ve never been very patient. The final part of me wants to go after what I want but my god, what the fuck is that?! I know I’m ready for a relationship but sometimes having choices is too much. There is Mr. Mosquito. Good when we are good. Bad, down right fucking awful when we are at each others throats. It’s a blood bath. He toys with my heart and my emotions and has no fucking idea what he is doing. But never fear, like most (not all) men his age he is a big fat scared pussy. Yes I said it. I’m not going to wait around on his ass to shift into second gear when I’m already there.

Next is Mr. Soup. Fuck he is good. And what he is thinking I have no clue and it drives me nuts!  Sometimes I feel he ia completely incapable of a normal conversation with me. But everytime he is around he turns into a dork, or so Peace says. I’m to busy over thinking and blocking off all emotion.  No no. I can not possibly feel anything right now. It’s an inconvenience.

Then there is the matter of LNAYX, who just recently dumped his girlfriend. May also mention that he told me this on his birthday sober. Well his version of sober anyways. It was his birthday. And this was after he asked me to grab a few beers with him for his birthday, which mind you ended up just being just him and I drinking at my place. We talked deep. Both drunk and sober. He stayed over that night. Nothing, not even a kiss, happened. When we got in bed he snuggled. His idea, not mine, but I’m not saying no to snuggle time. And there it was again. I fit. I fit right there as the little spoon, my head on his arm, his arms wrapped around me pulling me into his chest. Fuck. I even let my “I don’t give a fuck attitude” hang out. I slept with my mouth guard in. No one except for Sunshine sees me in that god awful, necessary thing.

So I guess it’s time to make decisions, even those that require feeling. (Damn. I really am a Samantha/Miranda.) I feel like I’m physically growing up. I’m wearing my big girl pants. I’m going from crawling to toddling into the big bad world. So what prompted all this? Plain and simple. A desire to be happy and free. Some people call me crazy and don’t understand me. My Ma tells me I’m high on life. Personally, I kinda like going to fly a kite in some random obsecure place. At least I know I won’t be bored with the adventure that awaits me.

A Letter To My Father

My Father,

To simply begin with I’d like to say that I love you. I love you very much, but at a distance. Being around you honestly makes my skin crawl most of the time. I do not have an undying need to see you, talk to you, or really acknowledge your presences. I am grateful for all the times that you were there for me and then things that you did for me. Putting a roof over my head, giving me a warm bed to sleep in, and purchasing my truck for me (out of guilt nonetheless).

But some of the things that you did for me, and to me, drove me away. You smothered me as a teenager. After the divorce, you were lonely and scared, which is completely normal. You, much like Ma, didn’t have the physical or emotional means to take care of yourself, much less me.  As a result of your unhappiness, I was ignored by you. The fatherly role ceased to exist. You closed in on yourself and shut everyone and every daily task out. You got lost in the bottle and in your thoughts. Thus, I fiend for myself.  I became an adult before I had to. I was independent and I was going to do whatever it took to be strong.

Once I gained my new-found independence and I learned that I was perfectly ok standing on my own two feet, I never, ever wanted help again. You were not my father. You were my housemate. I cooked, cleaned, and went about my business as usual.

My first rejection to you is when you wanted me to sleep in your bed because of the pending thunderstorms, which you knew I was absolutely terrified of. As a kid, I thought this was perfect sound. As an adult, no 12-year-old kid should be sleeping in their parents bed. I remember you wanting to “hug” me when we slept. Sorry, but you were wrong. That’s called spooning as adults, and I may I remind you that it’s not ok to say hi in the ways that you did. After I felt that something was wrong, I separated myself from the situation and suppressed as much of the memory as possible. It really honestly wasn’t until this past year that I realized I was 1 of 4. I had been violated in ways that I shouldn’t have been. At least it now explains a lot about how I feel and why I consistently fail at relationships.

The second reason I rejected you is because you never allowed me to breathe. Once I gained my independence, you decided it was time to try to be my parent again. Wrong. You stopped being my parent and I didn’t need you to start again. You were afraid of losing me, or me making a mistake. Well, one, you had already lost me. And, two, mistakes build character and they are good for your soul. Finally, if you thought that keeping me at home versus letting me go spend time with friends (which I actually had free time) was going to make me love you more, you are dead ass wrong. It made me hate you and I still do.

Finally, I don’t ever want you to pretend to be my father ever again. You are an acquaintance that I am required to go see once a year to make other people happy. You didn’t support me when I really needed you to, so don’t ever think for a second that I will lean on you again. You missed my high school and my college graduation and then gave me complete and utter bullshit excuses. I don’t need your drama or your bullshit. You lack of thought about “how your kids would feel” when you decided to propose, another mistake. I may not be around but you don’t ever expect me to be happy for you when you have made a rash, irresponsible decision. Especially one made when your father is on his death-bed. Furthermore, even though you don’t see it, your wife, GoldDigger, is just that, a gold digger. She’ll drain everything that you have and leave you in the end. Personally, you’re a sorry sack of blind shit if you don’t see that because everyone else does.

So before I sign off and bid my final farewell to you, you need to know two things. One, I love you. I do. But I can’t stand to be around you. Two, don’t ever try to be my parent again. It’s a failure waiting to happen. Three, if Ma knew about this, you’d be a dead man walking because I’ve got friends in low places, where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases my blues away, and I’ll be ok.

Sincerely,

The daughter that you lost and you never even knew it.

The First Time I wrote a letter to my father (…and did not send it) Mr. H You will notice I’m not saying Dear Father/Dad because firstly you are not dear to me and secondly you do not warrant to be called my father. Being a father entails action and you certainly have not delivered in that respect. I have spent years thinking that I don’t really care that you were not in my life. Realistically I can see m … Read More

via My First Time

And It Goes On And On

Hello world. I didn’t forget about you for the day. I’m sure that you can tell by the tone of this post that things are better between the travel buddy and I. They are but its not what you are thinking. Let me explain.

So left you with the basic point that traveling jackass was getting on my nerves. It got worse. I lost my nugget this morning. The idiot had gone down to the casino to gamble (remember we are in Vegas). While gambling I know he was drinking whiskey mixed drinks. I don’t know how many he consumed but when he came back to the room he was fucked up drunk. Wonderful right?

He drank way too much last night. Woke me up in the middle of the night because he was throwing up. I lost my shit on him this morning. I was so mad I was shaking. Afterward he had the nerve to ask me what he did wrong so I lit into him again. I dropped him off at the airport in Vegas.

Call it me being a bitch. I don’t care. I had enough. After promptly putting him out on the curb of the airport, my trip became instantly better. I made my way from Vegas to LA with ease. However,I sooner realized that although LA is pretty , its not really my style.

So I was in-and-out like the burger. I was originally planning to go see the Grand Canyon, the Painted Desert, etc. But after calling my mother and checking the weather, we decided that this was not a good idea because the area got a ton of snow poured on them. So I changed plans and am currently making my way to Dallas, Texas. Its a challenge to make it there before 7PM. I’ll have to let you know later today how that went.

The drive today was occupied by a whole lot of desert. Not exciting. I had meaningful conversations and much needed entertainment from LadyFriend, Mr. Boxer, Mr. Mosquito, Mr. Breadsticks, Mr. Greek, Mr. Delicious, and Ma. Once again, their conversations are greatly appreciated.

Here’s to the Dallas Challenge, watching the sunset in LA and watching it rise somewhere in Texas.