So Kesha

Can you imagine what your life would be like if you lived in a Kesha song?

Wake up feeling like ass with last night’s make up on and its the middle of the afternoon. Shower briefly. Throw on your day old half ripped tank, a pair of hot shorts and combat boots. Rock out with some what the fuck ever hair and some legit black eyeliner.

Blast some songs on volume 100. Dance like a fool. Grab drinks where you can get them. Guys want to be with you and you mind fuck them. Love them and leave them. Rage.

Fall in bed at the end of the night. Think momentarily about how out of control your life is. How you need to get your shit together. How you loved that one.

But who gives a fuck. You’re life is fucking awesome.

Think of the world and gre….zzzzzzzzz

Wake up and do it again.

Animals.

Wedding vs. Marriage

After reading the article below, I had a moment of revelation. I saw the light. The light bulb was burning bright in my head. This is Goose.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/11/01/living/wedding-marriage-splits/index.html

Background: Goose and I have been friends since high school. I’m not really sure why but we are somehow still friends. Goose is and always has been insane when it comes to men. I’ve never known her to be without a men for more than a week. Typically she doesn’t leave one man until she has another lined up. She is truly one of those women who cannot live without a man.

Throughout most of our high school years she dated one guy. One of those on-again, off-again things. Mostly on though. She was totally engrossed with him. He was all she could see. After we graduated she continued on with her relationship. She broke up with him for about a year at one point. But never fear they got back together.

In June of 2010 they got married and planned their happily ever after.

Modern Day: She filed for divorce about a year after she got married. I was shocked. Honestly floored. We discussed some of the issues they were having, and she did keep a great deal to herself. I assume (not having been in the situation) that there are just things that she knows but never wants to say aloud.

I asked her at one point if she knew on her wedding day that she didn’t want to get married. She said yes. I asked her why she did then. She replied with “Because I was doing what everyone else wanted me to do.”

I don’t get it. How can you get married and know that you really didn’t want to? Again, floored but this information.

But never fear, there are more surprises in store. She cheated on her husband. An emotional affair with just a kiss, but nonetheless cheating. She is still with the guy. She’s a hopeless romantic honestly. They’ve been together for 4 months. I see both good and bad in the relationship. He encourages her alot to write, develop her music, dance, expand her mind. Again, all positive things, which I’m very grateful for.

But here’s the kicker. He’s still married (in the process of divorce) and has a child. (Wait for it) And they are discussing marriage! 

Again, insane!  I really am trying to be supportive but things like this make me never ever ever want to get married. It’s scary as hell.

I also worry that she is going to jump into something and later realize it was a horrible idea. One divorce was hard enough. Two would nearly kill her. Not to mention the fact that the whole idea of marriage has been completely defiled.

Marriage is like a new game. It’s just for sport and I don’t want to play because the rules are too damn crazy!

Grace Kelly

So I’m going to Texas, the great state of Grace Kelly to retrieve his pride and joy. No it’s not what you think. I’m going to pick up Shen, his puppy. She is an adorable pup for sure. So I am spending 4 days in the car with Ma road tripping across the US, again, to pick her up.

Say tuned for stories. Leaving on Thursday.

I’m Back

I’ll be honest. I lost my motivation there for a while. Nelson disappeared, but never fear Nelson is back!

Quick update, I have moved, started a new job, established new friends, dated and broken up with Clapper (will fill you in on the details), recently back on the market and believe me I’m exploring my many options.

One of my grandmothers has a stroke and the other broke her hip. Lots of family drama there.

Most of my friends are still in the picture. Many with big life changes–engagements, divorces, babies, moves, etc.

That’s all for the moment. I will be writing later with more detailed updates! Promise!

Stroke It Out

So this week as been damn right awful. It started off with 102 degree fever and being sick for 3 days. Thursday wasn’t too bad. Spend all day with Sunshine in the Sunshine. Took Shen to the vet, which was a bit of a nightmare. I can’t stand it when other people can’t control their animals. I don’t want your dog in my dog’s personal space. Please and thank you.

Friday came and with it came hell on wheels. We put my grandmother in the hospital. She wasn’t making any sense. She was talking but her words weren’t coming out correctly. For instance she would try to ask for a glass of water and it would come out as “I glass ice.”

Long story short, I got to sleep in the hospital Friday evening. Saturday came with a confirmed diagnosis of a stroke. Some of her speech and writing may come back with time, but all of it may not. So we are in for long all now.

The rest of Saturday, however, went much much better. I went to see Iamsohip. We had an excellent evening consisting of bitching without judgment, boozing, and boys. We went out to a local bar where I got to see LNAYX. God I have missed him! We got to hang and talk about the rest of summer. I got to hang out with Mr. Delicious as well. Turns out, by the way, that I am going to Ring Figure with him. Holla. Now I gots to finds a dress.

And the best part of the evening was when Clapper came and picked me up. We went home and (Mr. Boxer stop reading here and go to the next paragraph) did the dirty. I got me a unicorn. Hot damn! It was wonderful. He dropped the r word, “relationship”, and I didn’t fight it. We, Clapper and I, are in a relationship. It has been established.

I gots me a unicorn.

Getting Down With The Sickness

I have been down with a nasty sickness these past few days. Starting to feel better. Although my eating is now all out of wack. Gotta love those pesky little eating disorders.

Next time we will cover a topic related to Texas and Grace Kelly.

Delay

I know my posts have been a bit delayed over the past few days. We can thank my grandmother for fucking up the computer 6 ways to Sunday for that.

Irritating. Real irritating.

Nevertheless, I am trying my best to make up what has been lacking. Here’s a quick update.

I started working for one of my father’s businesses on Monday. He asked for help. I wanted into the office on Monday and he basically dumped one of the companies in my lap and said fix it. Lovely right? I can feel the stress. If I fail it’s a million dollar corporation failing. No pressure.

At home, my grandmother has been driving me bat-shit crazy. She is in my business and frankly it’s none of her fucking business what I do. Furthermore, she insists on lecturing me. That shit realllyyyyy gets under my skin. I cannot stand to be lectured. If I want your fucking opinion I will ask for it. If not, do not be a condescending cunt and tell me what to do. In fact if you do that, you should expect me to ignore you for days, weeks really, and do exactly what you told me not to do. These are the times that I go by the “fuck off, eat shit, and die” motto of life in accordance with my dealings concerning you.

As you can see, I don’t take well to being governed. Therefore, I will be spending this weekend in Northern Virginia with some great friends and enjoying life.

(And I swear to God if I come home to my room fucked with I’m going to lose my shit.)

Happily Ever After

So what if Mr. Breadstick and Ms. Ineedacheeseburger really do get married?

Here I am, the middle friend (and ex girlfriend). Nevertheless, I have thought, in detail actually, about how I would feel about each moment of this.

The engagement. A tad shocked. A little depressed but genuinely happy for them both.

Pre-wedding. Jittery. Wanting, almost needing, to help out in any way possible. I could easily plan this wedding. No really I could. I could dive into this head first and produce a spectacular event. And I really think my heart would jump out of my chest about 500 times in the process.

Wedding. Happy. Like crying happy. A little bitter knowing that she is marrying one of my best friends for ever and ever, and that they will have the sex. Can’t even, don’t even, want to remotely picture that event. Ick.

Post-wedding. Happy. Delighted. Drunk.

Really post-wedding. Well, I don’t know. Depends on my dating status.

Forging Friendship

So in an effort to make things easier for everyone involved (and to act on a gut feeling I had anyways) I decided to making friends with Ms. Ineedacheeseburger. Yes I am actually making an effort to be her legitimate friend.

First, we made a trip to the local Donny T’s (mexican restaurant). We actually talked like normal. It turns out that I have a lot in common with her. Shockingly. Honestly. But the conversation was easy, natural and comfortable. We talked for almost two hours. After dinner, she ran errands and I went home to pack up my apartment. Well, I didn’t get too far. She called me up, said she was bored and asked if I wanted to grab a beer.

Sure thing.

And we continued to have our conversations at ease. I even told her about Clapper, to which she encouraged me to stop being a sissy and tell him I liked him. Ha. Odd hearing that from an ex boyfriend’s current girlfriend. (But she is right.)

That weekend we continued our friendship building with a hike. An 8 mile hike. 8 miles of aimless walking. But it passed without distribution or awkwardness. We talked about everything, even weddings, and our general complaints about them. She even told me that she would invite me to her’s when she got married if we were still friends. I chuckled to myself quietly.

But this got me to thinking, if Mr. Breadstick and Ms. Ineedacheeseburger got married, how weird could that actually be? But that’s for another time.

I just think it’s a bit odd to be actually enjoying and missing the company of my ex boyfriend’s current girlfriend. I mean we get along well and have loads in common. Just viewing the situation from the outside, it seems a bit weird. I talk to Mr. Breadstick almost daily and her at least once a week. If they ever broke up, I’d probably be closer with Mr. Breadstick, but I really wouldn’t want my friendship to end with her. It’s like juggling. It’s difficult when it really shouldn’t be.

I’m just a perplexed by the whole thing really.

Free Thinking

Whimsy challenged others to answer the 50 questions on the website, just as she did.  There are no right or wrong answers. Just a flow of free thinking.

Challenge accepted.

Ready.
Set.
Go.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? 27. Old enough to be taken seriously, but young enough to still have fun without having judgment passed.
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Never trying because then you always wonder “what if”. For me, that is one of the worse possible things ever.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Easy. We do the things we don’t like because we feel obligated too by society or others around us, but we like many things that we don’t do because those are the things that we really want to do. Those are the things that our soul wants to dance with.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? No. Actions speak louder than words and my work should speak for itself.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? The importance of cultural enrichment and that when you are doing something that doesn’t make you happy…change it.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Being free, and doing something greater than myself.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? Currently I’m transitioning. I’m moving toward something that I love. I know better than to settle.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? No. I make everyday what it should be. Things will happen or they won’t. In the mean time I’m not going to worry about it.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? A larger degree. I am responsible for my own happiness and I’m not going to let someone tell me how to live my life.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing the right things. Your honor is all you have in the end.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? Stop them. I remind them to never pass judgment on someone they don’t know. At the same time if they do know the person, then they are entitled to their opinion but I would ask them to refrain from talking about them negatively in front of me.
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Decide what is real.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? Yes.
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? No but this would be a glorious thing to witness.
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Think. I think a lot differently than others.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? Because those are the things that light up my soul. Everyone is different.
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back? Live overseas. The only thing holding me back is finding a job.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Yes. Always.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? State–Montana. It is so beautiful and it makes me feel at peace. Country–Not sure. Probably somewhere in Europe.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? I only push the button once.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? Joyful simpleton. No need to worry ones head off about things you can’t control.
22. Why are you, you? My past makes me who I am but it does not define my future.
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? Yes. I will do anything for my friends. I love them all dearly.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch with a good friend who lives near.
25. What are you most grateful for? My mother teaching me to never settle for anything.
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? Lose all my old memories. If you could never make new ones, it means that you would never live.
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? If you honestly believe in it, yes.
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? Yes. Many times.
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? Yes and yes. It defined my relationship with my father.
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? It’s not a single memory but a number of feelings that I remember from childhood that always occurred around Sunshine. She’s my rock.
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? Now. Right now with Clapper.
32. If not now, then when? Immediately. Never delay for you may not have tomorrow to play.
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? Nothing.
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? Absolutely. Those are some of my favorite memories.
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Because people will die for what they love and anything that challenges it.
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? No. Too many things wade in the gray area.
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? Yes, but only after I got a job doing something that I love.
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? More work that I actually enjoy. Makes you feel much more accomplished.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? Yes. I don’t like the repeat button.
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? Honestly I haven’t the slightest clue and that’s disappointing.
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? No one. I’d count my blessings with Mother Nature.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? No. Beauty is only skin deep.
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Being alive means that you are going through life doing nothing profound. Living means that you are actively participating in your life.
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? After about 30 seconds. Makes head and tails of the situation and just go with your gut. If you are wrong then you will learn something.
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? Making a mistake means you fail. Failure is frowned upon by society.
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Nothing really. I do what I want now and don’t really care what people think. I am me. You are going to like me or you aren’t.
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? When I was sick. So winter time I suppose.
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? I love being free, and a majority of my recent actions clearly display this.
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? I’ll remember a few things, like rescuing kittens with Iamsohip, because it is an action bigger than myself. I’ll remember Flag Day, because it’s Clapper’s birthday.
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? Making them for myself. I am responsible for my own life.

I came across this website that listed 50 questions that would free your mind.  There’s no right or wrong answer.  So.  I will now expose my mind via blog by answering 25 of the 50 questions.  I encourage you to do the same.  You’d be surprised at what you’re forced to reflect on. 1)  How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? I’d be the toddler who gets pissed at herself for falling down, but gets back up anyway. 2)  Which is worse … Read More

via Whimsy