Characters of Pernelson

Last updated Wednesday, January 5, 2010

***Warning: If you are a male and you know me, you may not want to read this. ***

Angel–Ex-boyfriend’s lady friend. She was such a sweetheart.

AnnoyingPint— Italiano’s friend from Washington DC. She is about 5 feet tall, has extremely small bladder, no common sense, a ball of energy, no filter on her thoughts, and has the need to tell everyone within the first 30 seconds of meeting them that she is Jewish.

Baller–My roommate who use to play basketball, who I love dearly.

Boot–My roommate from college. She got this nickname because when we were freshmen she wore a boot the first semester. She had a stress fracture in her foot.

Clapper–Another lax kid from New Jersey who gets very excited about his clapper. You know “clap on” **clap clap** “clap off” **clap clap**

FireNY–Friend who lives on a 600 acre farm in New York. He loves firefighting and is one of the biggest redneck yankees I have ever met. Best friends with LNAYX.

Goose– Best friend from high school. Crazy as a loon about men. A relationship kinda girl and a true hopeless romantic.

Grace Kelly–He got his nickname from Mad TV’s “Can I have your number”

GoldDigger–My step-mother. Enough said.

Graham Cracker Express–His first name was graham and it just kinda stuck.

Granny–My hateful grandmother on my mother’s side.

HairSwoop–He has this thing he does with his hair. It’s like the Richmond comb over. We call it the hairswoop. It’s just bad, bad, bad, and he’ll be rocking that hairstyle for the rest of his life. Think a toned back Justin Bieber.

Italiano–PR’s best childhood friend. He is an Italian-American who lived in Roma for 4 or 5 years, Greece for the summer, and seen more than 40 countries. He is also openly gay and considers himself a citizen of the world.

Juliet–Her and her boyfriend, Romeo, are tied together at the hip.

LadyFriend–My lovely lady friend who I spend most of my time with at home because she is awesome. PS, we aren’t lesbians for the record.

LNAYX –One of those boys that I’ll probably never mess around with but will adore forever. He is a lax bro, a southern yankee, and a beer slut.

Ma–My mother

Motherly–My other roommate from college. She’s five years older than me and I love her. She has a family now, which is weird because none of the rest of us do.

Mr. 8.5–You got this one already. 8.5 inches.

Mr. Bear–He has chest fur, not hair, FUR! It’s that thick. Plus, we think that if he gets on all fours, his ass would be about the size of a bear’s ass.

Mr. Boxer–It’s what it sounds like. He’s a boxer, along with being an athlete in several other sports.

Mr. Breadstick–We got this lovely little nickname from the lack of what he was packing. It was a thin breadstick. One of the biggest disappointments of my life.

Mr. Delicious—Oh sweet jesusssss!!! He is gorgeous. Enough said.

Mr. Greek–Not exciting. He is from a greek family.

Mr. Mosquito–Once again, lacking in the packing. I believe my exact quote to my cousin that earned him this nickname was “If this doesn’t work out, I won’t be disappointed. I was thinking WTF is that, a mosquito bite on your leg!”

Mr. Nelson–His middle name is Nelson. Also where I got my nickname from.

Mr. NotSoHotItalian–Never been more let down in my life. His background was italian, but nothing about the way he looked was. Sadness.

Mr. Slap–He hit me. Only guy who ever has and he’s lucky he’s not dead.

Mr. Soup–He is so hot but the LAX team tells me he is a soupy, old man ass. GAHHH! Which of for the record, I checked. He doesn’t have a soupy ass.

Ms. EatsPlentyOfCheeseburgers–Another lovely lady friend who I don’t get to see often. This is a self-picked nickname.

Ms. Granny–This would be another girlfriend of an ex. She was 27 I believe. Not old at all, but her mannerisms were that of grandma, or that of a freshman in high school. Based on the way she dressed, it tipped the scales to call her Ms. Granny versus CrazyBitch.

Ms. INeedACheeseburger–She thin, thin, thinnnnn. One of Spangler’s runners. She needs to eat!

Mustang–Guy that drives a ’68 mustang from Texas. Graduated from The Citadel.

My Father–my father.

Peace–My soulmate. I love her! I have a love tattoo that is in her handwriting. That’s how much we love each other.

Pig–I have never seen someone eat so much food in my life and stay so thin. He literally ate everything. Leftovers. GONE.

PR–Stands for Puerto Rico. It’s for my Puerto Rican roommate from college.

Romeo–See Juliet.

Sunny–A Marine who lives in California that I went to school with. He can be an asshole, but he is hot and intelligent.

Sunshine–That’d be my cousin.

TF–Stands for Two-Face. Mr. Boxer would totally agree with this one.

Waynesboro–Just a man from Waynesboro.


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