Letter Update

Dear Key Pal [Mr. Greek],

Yes. I met a dude at a bar and had a healthy conversation. His name is [Waynesboro]. Since then it has been polite hello’s and excuse me’s. But that’s it and I’m cool with it. He’s one of those quiet nice guys that never gets noticed. Which is all well and fine but I’m not going out of my way to make friends.

However, the man front is ever changing and I have a new flavor of the month. His name is [Sunny] and he lives in California. I knew him prior to him moving there but I really know how to pick them right? At least sex can’t complicate this one. Only distance, which is exactly why the last relationship bit the dust. Well he also sucked at communication. Nevertheless, that’s where the revolving door of men currently stands.

Also, can’t remember if I told you or not but I had surgery last month. Just got my results back and I’m in the clear. Whoop!

And I’m making cookies tomorrow.

How’s your life? Ballin out in the desert?


Key Pal [Nelson]

We’re Adults. Why Is This So Hard?

Do you ever have those friendships that seem to be surrounded by conflict? Enough to where the two of you are butting heads and the only way it seems to be resolved is by one of you getting so angry that their head pops off? I feel like I have one of those with Mr. Bear.

Mr. Bear is an ex of mine, as we have reviewed before. Our relationship ended approximately 2 years ago and we decided to remain friends. But you see the problem is he doesn’t really understand the boundaries of what a friendship is. As an ex, I have enough respect for him to be politely and mindful of his current lady friend, who ever she may be. The way I see it is I have no right to be mad or jealous at her. She did nothing wrong, and our relationship with 2 years ago. I repeat 2 years ago. I am mature and confident enough in my self that it really shouldn’t matter what he does in his personal life, and it doesn’t.

What I take regard with is that he pesters the shit out of me with he either A-doesn’t have a lady friend, or B-I have a man friend. Let’s take example A. Mr. Bear breaks up with her current interest, and what does he do, call me. And I don’t mean call me in the “oh whoa is me” way. I mean call me in the booty call way. No thank you. I’ll pass. Calling (after I either don’t answer or hang up) turns to texting. Let’s review.

Mr. Bear: “How are you?”
Me: “Not bad. Been sick. Got a gnarly cough.”
Mr. Bear: “Oh. Sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better. You know if you came to (undisclosed location) I could make you feel better. ūüėČ ”
Me: “Um. I think I’m fine right here. I’ll be fine.”
Mr. Bear: “I bet I could think of a few things to make you feel better. ;)”

Seriously, I’m not biting and this conversation continued as such for a good 20 messages after this.¬†At what point do I have to bluntly say, “Get the fuck off my nuts?!” Plus you know better than to ever trust anything that involves a winky face.

Now for example B. Say I causally mention a friend of mine that happens to be a male in conversation, for instance I say, “I’m going to see Mr. Greek on XYZ, blah, blah.” The rest of the conversation really doesn’t matter. Mr. Bear will say nothing. So you think “Ah. Yes. He finally isn’t going to be a dick about the situation.” Wrong. The next time we meet up, I kidd you not, the first words out of his mouth will be as follows:

Mr. Bear: “Hey Nelson. It’s good to see you. So how’s your new boyfriend, Mr. Greek?”
Me: (In my head, what the fuck dude!?! I never said he was my boyfriend, and why are we discussing this?) “He’s not my boyfriend, but he is doing well.”
Mr. Bear: “So how was your visit with Mr. Greek?”
Me: (In my head, is it really any of your fucking business? No.) “It went well. You know cooked dinner, hung out, had a good time.”
Mr. Bear: “Oh so are you like a thing now?”
Me: (In my head, are you fucking kidding me?! If I wanted you to know I would tell you myself. So fucking digging for information.) “No. Just friends. So, Sunshine…”

And heaven forbid I actually bring a guy around in his¬†presence¬†that I know and he doesn’t. Regardless of if I’m fucking him or not, Mr. Bear automatically assumes that I am. Thus, he proceeds to get very protective. It really pisses me off, and it’s not ok. How about you not spend your night attempting to separate my friends and I just so you can “talk” to me. I really don’t deal ¬†well with drunken hands and sappy shit in general.

So given the situation, I’m about at my wit’s end with Mr. Bear. I would love to remain his friend, but I don’t think he has what it takes to be mine. I am respectful of all of his decisions and give him honest advice when he asks for it. As for him giving me the same amount of respect, he has failed to do it for 2 years. What really gets me is that we are adults and this shit really shouldn’t matter, but for some reason to him it does. Which is even more perplexing to me because he is, after all, the one that broke up with me. So if anything this situation should be the other way around. Good thing I’m a level-headed bitch.

That is until St. Patty’s. That’s when I next see him. Also, HairSwoop will be there apparently, so this will be a drunken pissed off night for me, or so I’m predicting. Iamsohip come save me!

Lost In The Sauce

I am what you would say lost in the sauce. The sauce of course being men and what the hell I should do with them. Let’s review the players below.

1. Mr. Mosquito- Still a viable option. He goes and comes but gets jealous when I hook up with other people. Not cool. It’s like he wants me but he does want me. Commitment issues dude.

2. Mr. Soup- Still a high candidate on the list. Minus the fact that he ignores me on occasion. Men equal lack of communication skills. Standard.

3. Mr. Bear- He won’t get off my nuts. I’ve tried everything under the sun and he is still standing on my branch. Irritating. How do I politely tell him to fuck off?

4. LNAYX- Don’t try to pronouce it. He is a new player to the game. Attractive. Great personality. Laid back yet has a plan. Communicates very very well. Seems into me. Then I facebook stalked him. He has a girlfriend. What the fuck dude!? Don’t like me and hit on me when you have a lady friend. Not cool.

5. Mr. Greek- Oh man I don’t know what to do with this one. I think I hurt him but not on purpose. I don’t want a relationship with him even though he is a great person. Makes me feel like an ass.

So the question is, what do I do with my players? Do I sit back and enjoy the game? Do I go after one of them hardcore? Or do I continue to play the field?

I feel like I have all of these options but no real direction. I think (or I hope rather) that other women feel like I do. I would like a companion. I know that I’m ready for one. I am rooted strong enough in myself that I know what I want and I want a mature relationship. But are most guys in their mid 20’s ready for that? I don’t think that they are but I also really don’t understand that either. Help.

And It Goes On And On

Hello world. I didn’t forget about you for the day. I’m sure that you can tell by the tone of this post that things are better between the travel buddy and I. They are but its not what you are thinking. Let me explain.

So left you with the basic point that traveling jackass was getting on my nerves. It got worse. I lost my nugget this morning. The idiot had gone down to the casino to gamble (remember we are in Vegas). While gambling I know he was drinking whiskey mixed drinks. I don’t know how many he consumed but when he came back to the room he was fucked up drunk. Wonderful right?

He drank way too much last night. Woke me up in the middle of the night because he was throwing up. I lost my shit on him this morning. I was so mad I was shaking. Afterward he had the nerve to ask me what he did wrong so I lit into him again. I dropped him off at the airport in Vegas.

Call it me being a bitch. I don’t care. I had enough. After promptly putting him out on the curb of the airport, my trip became instantly better. I made my way from Vegas to LA with ease. However,I sooner realized that although LA is pretty , its not really my style.

So I was in-and-out like the burger. I was originally planning to go see the Grand Canyon, the Painted Desert, etc. But after calling my mother and checking the weather, we decided that this was not a good idea because the area got a ton of snow poured on them. So I changed plans and am currently making my way to Dallas, Texas. Its a challenge to make it there before 7PM. I’ll have to let you know later today how that went.

The drive today was occupied by a whole lot of desert. Not exciting. I had meaningful conversations and much needed entertainment from LadyFriend, Mr. Boxer, Mr. Mosquito, Mr. Breadsticks, Mr. Greek, Mr. Delicious, and Ma. Once again, their conversations are greatly appreciated.

Here’s to the Dallas Challenge, watching the sunset in LA and watching it rise somewhere in Texas.

I Love The Snow.

Today we left from Denver heading to Las Vegas. We started off our day seeing a sign that we didn’t see last night (below). It made me giggle just a little bit.

Next I discovered that my truck doesn’t like the higher altitude. Poor Vinny was struggling to accelerate and definitely didn’t feel like moving. After 5 minutes on the road, I got my second surprise of the day. Traffic. Lots of traffic. But I was able to view The Rockies. Beautiful. Then my beautiful Rockies became snow covered Rockies. The snow was my third surprise. It snowed and snowed and snowed some more. I looked at snow for about 10 hours today. But I digress.

That was the positive of my day. The negative began about an hour after I got up and the breakfast table. ‚Äé‚ÄčMy annoying ass driving buddy told me he was going to bring someone back to the room. I told him I’d kill him. Then he said that given the chance I wouldn’t do. I told him he was dead ‚Äé‚Äč wrong. Then he changed the subject and said he had a hard time breathing last night. I had to refrain from telling him its because he was fat and out of shape. That was all within an hour of being a wake and I’m not a morning person.

The day progressed and I tolerated him all day long until we got into Vegas and the hotel. I lost my nugget just a little bit. The torn in my side was acting like a little annoying fucking kid. “Come on. Come on. Come on. You know you have to be a little bit excited” which I’ve heard about 50 times today. I had enough. I told him very seriously that I’m not excited. This is not my fucking city and to drop the fucking subject. I didn’t want to hear another word about it. He’s response: “It’s just all in the attitude.” Me: “Yes and yours is really fucking immature. Case closed.”

After that we were ok. I told him that I needed some “me” time and for him to go out. I will have to say I got in some much needed shower time and chat time with Mr. Soup. He is sick, unfortunately, so I made him feel better via the phone. I boosted his night, but his health, sadly.

I also had some pleasant conversations with Mr. Boxer, Mr. Breadsticks, Sunshine, LadyFriend, Grace Kelly and Mr. Greek today. I thank them everyday for providing me endless hours of entertainment while on the road.

Now its off for veg time. I’m sleepy and ready to eat. Plus I need to prepare for the possible high five I’ll have to give tomorrow.


A Lot Of Things Change In A Year

I woke up on vacation day four to an empty house. I panicked. For those of you who don’t know I have an unrealistic fear of bring left. If I go to sleep with someone in the bed and wake up alone, I panic. When the house is full of people when I go to sleep and empty when I wake up, I am petrified. When I realize that I’m alone and literally can’t breathe. I choke up, my eyes begin to water, my mind races, and fear overcomes me.

Mr. Greek had gone. He had left home, but he did leave a note. After I calmed down, I decided that I was going to rest until Sunshine had come home. Drifting off to sleep, I was later rewoken by Sunshine milling about in the house. My nerves calmed and by normal senses back, I ventured out of the bed to bond with Sunshine. I soon landed myself back in bed.

Given that it’s Christmas Eve, the girls decided to do Christmas then at 11AM. Picture it. Three 20 some odd year old girls piled up in a full size bed exchanging Christmas gifts. Classy. 1 bag of oreos, a Kesha cd, a Barnes & Noble gift card, some knives, and a candle later Christmas was done. We moved onto sex talk.

We gossiped for a while and eventually tore ourselves away from the moment. I motivated and got ready for the day, Sunshine went to sleep, and the other cousin went back to Ma’s. I eventually followed her up to the house, ate, fiddled on the computer for a bit, and continued to think.

I giggled to myself some when I was thinking about one year ago today. I’m still trying to contain my laughter. One year ago today I was rocking a huge hickey and several other markings from the hands (and mouth) of Mr. Nelson. And to think I didn’t even have sex with them then. Christmas came early last year and it was fucking awesome.

Moving on. I made my way to Ma’s to make the commute to the country house where we spent Christmas. Upon leaving the house I stepped out on a limb and texted Mr. Nelson. 5 minutes later I actually got a response. Kind of shocked me. We had a few causal exchanges and then he dropped the huge elephant in the room.

Mr. Nelson: I see. So what made you decide to get in touch again? Not that I mind. Me: I finally stopped being mad to be honest.
Mr. Nelson: Fair enough.
Me: I know it sounds a bit ridiculous but I realized the other day when someone said your name that I wasn’t mad anymore. And I really didn’t see the point in not talking to you.
Mr. Nelson: Well I’m glad you decided that. So what are you doing up in (this place)?
Me: Ha. Me too. I don’t really have any plans minus christmas lunch tomorrow. Probably gonna be bored to tears. Mr. Nelson: Are we back to normal enough to hang out while we’re both in town? Me: I’d like to think so yes.
Mr. Nelson: I mean I’m not holding any resentment so I’d say yes.

And there we have it. We were once fuck buddies and now we are friends again. My my how things can change in six months to a year. So tomorrow we will be meeting for beers. Wish me luck!

Only The Weary Rest

Day three of vacation and it was already set up to be a long, cold one. I awoke feeling like a grumpy little shit. Once again, I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower. Today was a photo shoot day, so the ordeal of getting ready took longer that I ever really needed it too. After stressing over my hair for 30 minutes and putting on a new face, I was finally ready to go. I (semi) happily bounced my way out the door. Holy mother of god. I was slapped in the face and instantly frozen by the wind. So much for nice hair today. The shoot was outdoors and I was about to freeze my ass off.

I quickly made my way to the truck and to my mother’s house. We ventured out with the camera in tow. The spot today was a bridge. A bridge that was 1.25 miles away from my truck. Cold. Oh so cold. I got my pictures done quickly. It was too cold and windy for this. My nose was running. Nothing better than a snotty¬†model. Sexy. I hustled my way back to the truck and we made our way to the ABC store. Christmas gifts were purchased. We gossiped about some people. Standard really. We made our way to The Waterstone, had a delicious pizza and beer. Dinner was interrupted by Mr. Delicious.

Mr. Delicious, much like Mr. Breadstick, has decided that it’s now ok to be nice to me and try to be my friend. Although I don’t mind it and I don’t understand the sudden change in heart and why they thought it was ok to be an asshole in the first place. Whatever. I’m not really in the mood to think too much in depth about this at the moment.

I ventured my way back home, napped my way through the hour and the Mr. Greek showed up. We went to dinner and had some very pleasant conversation, much of which should not have been dinner table type of conversation. It was more than enjoyable and relaxing. I was finally able to escape and let my brain rest for a few moments out of the day. I enjoy spending time with him. I’m just not entirely sure what I want at the moment. My fault for being an asshole to him, I know. And I also know that it’s wrong. Nonetheless, I very much value our time together. Everything was peachy until bedtime. When I laid down in bed, I went to thinking again. UGH. I just want to sleep in peace but that is apparently too much to ask. All I want is to relax, but I can’t seem to do that unless someone is there to fill that void. My mind races uncontrollably. I think about how life could be, should be, and how I want it to be. It’s so hard for me to balance all this in my mind. Instead I run and I know that I do. This is because when I actually go after what I want I get rejected every single time. I’m so sick of it.

Who knows what the new year will bring, but I hope it’s something good and worth my time.