Getting Down With The Sickness

I have been down with a nasty sickness these past few days. Starting to feel better. Although my eating is now all out of wack. Gotta love those pesky little eating disorders.

Next time we will cover a topic related to Texas and Grace Kelly.

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Delay

I know my posts have been a bit delayed over the past few days. We can thank my grandmother for fucking up the computer 6 ways to Sunday for that.

Irritating. Real irritating.

Nevertheless, I am trying my best to make up what has been lacking. Here’s a quick update.

I started working for one of my father’s businesses on Monday. He asked for help. I wanted into the office on Monday and he basically dumped one of the companies in my lap and said fix it. Lovely right? I can feel the stress. If I fail it’s a million dollar corporation failing. No pressure.

At home, my grandmother has been driving me bat-shit crazy. She is in my business and frankly it’s none of her fucking business what I do. Furthermore, she insists on lecturing me. That shit realllyyyyy gets under my skin. I cannot stand to be lectured. If I want your fucking opinion I will ask for it. If not, do not be a condescending cunt and tell me what to do. In fact if you do that, you should expect me to ignore you for days, weeks really, and do exactly what you told me not to do. These are the times that I go by the “fuck off, eat shit, and die” motto of life in accordance with my dealings concerning you.

As you can see, I don’t take well to being governed. Therefore, I will be spending this weekend in Northern Virginia with some great friends and enjoying life.

(And I swear to God if I come home to my room fucked with I’m going to lose my shit.)

Sunshine

Day 07: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

John Denver says it best:

“Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy. Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry. Sunshine on the water looks so lovely. Sunshine almost always makes me high.”

Sunshine is one of many that make my life worth living for. We are like two peas in a pod and have been since we were born. We are only 5 days apart in ages and are basically twins. I can feel how she feels, without ever being there. I know her like the back of my hand, as does she to I. My existence depends on her existence and I honestly can’t image life without her and I never want to. My soul is a part of hers.

We come as a packaged deal. We travel together. Date together. Eat together. Even naked tan together. Every major decision I make, like moving or a job, is dependent on her. I think about moving away. I could do it, but you can bet your sweet ass I’d be on the phone with her every single day. Even when I broke the news to her that I could be moving up to 8 hours away, her only response was, “Man, that’s a long ways to drive. I’m going to need a room.”

She makes my life worth living because she is my ray of sunshine. She brings me up when I’m down, and calms me down when I’m losing my mind. She knows my darkest secrets, seen me at my lowest of lows, and my highest of highs. We have cried over death, and rejoiced over chances given. She is my rock and my soul and I would die without her.

Dependent

Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do.

I’m sure people fear burying their parents, their children or their spouse. Some fear living outside, manual labor, or taking naked photos. Some fear going to war.

I don’t. Death is a part of life. All things come to an end and death is not something I fear. I don’t fear things that are beyond my control. I don’t fear the natural either. Somethings are the same no matter how many different ways you look at it.

War is not fearful. It is “necessary” because people/organizations crave power. But really, it’s overrated. I have seen many of my friends go to war. Luckily they have all come back. But inside, I know that they left a little piece of themselves in a war-torn country and they will never be the same. Grace Kelly is one of those.

What I fear is quiet simple.

Help. Asking for help.

I hope I never have to ask for handouts just to make it in this world. My biggest fear is failure. Coupled with failure is my refusal to ask for help. I hate to ask anyone to help me with anything. It’s stupid and irrational, but it’s a part of who I am. Because of this, I hope that I never ever have to ask for handouts for survival. I feel like there is enough in nature that I should need to do this. But unfortunately society has dictated that it is not dignified to live like a hippie. (Shameful.) I don’t need money for food, I have seeds. I don’t need money for water, I have creeks. I don’t need shelter, I can make that myself. I already have enough clothes to clothe a small army. Ha.

But seriously, asking someone to help me, in my mind, is like placing a burden upon them. I can see the burdens they carry. Why would I want to make their load heavier? I can survive, and if for some reason nature doesn’t allow me to become apart of it, then I’m meant to pass my soul forward.

I never want to get to the point that my life is dependent upon help from others.