So I have been debating recently about putting more thoughts on paper. I have all these crazy (and sometimes far fetched) stories bouncing around in my head. I just wonder what could come of them if I put them down for the world to read.
Good or bad? I’m not sure. My hold back is the vulnerability that comes with it. I’m not a strong writer and I definitely have a bad habit of assuming you know what I’m talking about and not properly conveying important points like the setting. I barely know how to write to make you feel, smell, or taste anything in my story, which for me is frustrating because I want people to know and love my writing. For it to be great.
Nevertheless, I think my biggest hold back would be that in each of these stories there is a piece of me. A piece that I don’t expose to anyone. Critical comments would be taken personally and be very hurtful.
Ultimately I think I need to get this thoughts out. Regardless of the risk, the challenge and relief would be worth it. Plus, I have the time to write and develop myself.
The panic. The fear. The breathless. The The illusion of reality. Until it becomes real then what you do?
You wake up.
You start to lose the visions in your mind. You start to panic just a little bit inside. You think. You think hard. Yet every thought seems to escape you.
And some form of reality begins to make sense. You’re not where you thought you were.
You get that uneasy feeling that settles in the pit if your stomach. You know something is wrong. You don’t know where it begins, where it ends.
And one profound thought fills your mind. Negative overwhelms you. You try to ignore it. But it just keeps coming back. It is at the fore most thought of your mind at all times even though you don’t want to be. You know something is wrong but you cannot do anything.
I want you here with me now. So I can hold you my arms and cry silently. But alas, we are worlds apart. Some by our choosing, some not.
Return to me.
I hate that moment when you realize that you miss someone. That moment when all you want to do is curl up in their arms and relax and fall into a deep sleep. Cry silently to yourself.
It’s in that moment that emotions win. They get the best of you. They are uncontrollable and sneaky. And I can’t control them. They leave me marginally breathless. They untie the very strings that hold me together. Disarm me. Make me vulnerable.
So do you.
What do you do when you find yourself accidentally, on purpose dating a cub? You panic! And think this CANNOT be happening.
What the hell are you thinking!?
But seriously, a 6 year age difference and he is the cub. Everything in your past is screaming at you that this is a TERRIBLE idea. And you know it and it’s going well but you are just waiting in the moment for shit to go bottoms up.
Girl meets boy. Boy meets girl. Both hit it off. Have a fantastic date. Moving forward to more dates, bumping uglies, and making future plans.
Then boy stops abruptly speaking to girl. Girl thinks it’s her. It’s always her. It always happens to her.
Attempts to communicate, to find an answer go unanswered. It’s always her.
Pain seeps out. Hurt. Anger. Sadness. Zero self worth. It’s always her.
Girl wakes up one day and says, “Fuck the world.” It’s not her.
Boy misses out on a great catch. A smart, beautiful, talented, hard working woman. It’s not her.
Girl focuses on her career because her career will never leave her. Boy will.
Girl, it’s just your luck dude.