Dependent

Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do.

I’m sure people fear burying their parents, their children or their spouse. Some fear living outside, manual labor, or taking naked photos. Some fear going to war.

I don’t. Death is a part of life. All things come to an end and death is not something I fear. I don’t fear things that are beyond my control. I don’t fear the natural either. Somethings are the same no matter how many different ways you look at it.

War is not fearful. It is “necessary” because people/organizations crave power. But really, it’s overrated. I have seen many of my friends go to war. Luckily they have all come back. But inside, I know that they left a little piece of themselves in a war-torn country and they will never be the same. Grace Kelly is one of those.

What I fear is quiet simple.

Help. Asking for help.

I hope I never have to ask for handouts just to make it in this world. My biggest fear is failure. Coupled with failure is my refusal to ask for help. I hate to ask anyone to help me with anything. It’s stupid and irrational, but it’s a part of who I am. Because of this, I hope that I never ever have to ask for handouts for survival. I feel like there is enough in nature that I should need to do this. But unfortunately society has dictated that it is not dignified to live like a hippie. (Shameful.) I don’t need money for food, I have seeds. I don’t need money for water, I have creeks. I don’t need shelter, I can make that myself. I already have enough clothes to clothe a small army. Ha.

But seriously, asking someone to help me, in my mind, is like placing a burden upon them. I can see the burdens they carry. Why would I want to make their load heavier? I can survive, and if for some reason nature doesn’t allow me to become apart of it, then I’m meant to pass my soul forward.

I never want to get to the point that my life is dependent upon help from others.

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