I have finally decided, after much discussion with Peace, that I am going to go on a date with Clapper. Like a legit date where you dress up and act all perfect…only I don’t really care to fake it unless it’s necessary.
Anyways, Clapper owes me an Applebee’s 2 for 20 and I am going to collect. Personally going to dinner as a date is just not my thing. Its awkward and it never fails that someone asks you a question while you have your mouth full. I would much rather go to the drive in movie, go to a ball game, go hiking, etc. Anything but go to dinner.
But I digress. What started this change of heart with Clapper is really quiet simple. For those of you who don’t know this, I rarely dream, and by rarely I mean like once every 5 to 10 years. I hate to dream. However, the other night I in fact dreamt about Clapper.
It was a simple dream. We were in bed. I was laying on my back and he was as well. His arm was under my head and we were just sleeping. That’s it. Just sleeping. But the feeling that I got was nothing but pure comfort and relaxation. It was odd and scared the shit out of me. As I said I don’t like to dream. I have my reasons.
Nevertheless after much pondering I made a decision that it was a sign and I need to stop blowing Clapper off. I need to grow a pair and stop pussy footing around. He is a good guy with a lot going for him and I should give him the respect that he deserves.
But with that said Sunshine as given me a list of things that I am not allowed to talk about on the first date, or for a while really.
1. Do not talk about the dead cat and hamsters on the bookshelf.
2. Do not tell him that you listen to Marylin Manson.
3. Do not tell him that when you were a kid you wanted to be a mortican.
4. Do not tell him you have 3 cats.
5. Do not mention that you are highly intrigued by Charles Manson.
6. Do not say a word about your undying love for Abe Lincoln.
7. Do not tell him that you don’t shave often in the winter months…bear.
8. Never ever blow your nose. It’s not sexy!