Yesterday I arrived at Ms. EatsPlentyOfCheeseburgers’ house.  We enjoyed a wonderful afternoon of laying on the sofas and catching up on the latest points of our lives. Around midnight or so, we called it quits and made off to our rooms for some quality sleep.

I hopped in the shower and did my usual routine to get ready for bed. Brushing my teeth. Starring at myself in the mirror. The norm. As I’m doing this I get a text. I look down and surprise!  I have three messages. One from my beloved Sunshine. Standard Golden Girls quotes for the evening.

One from Mr. Soup, which is oddly hilarious because I had just finished telling Ms. EatsPlentyOfCheeseburgers that he wouldn’t talk to me. Well he started the conversation with a simple “Hey. How are you?” Blah blah blah. Life is fine. I ended it by falling asleep before he had a chance to respond. Nevertheless, his response was basically blah blah blah things are ok. Things aren’t going well at home. Lovely. I fall asleep and he decides to confide in me. The closed off very reserved man decides to confide in me at 115AM!

The final message was from Mr. Breadstick. It simply said Ms. Ineedacheeseburger and I broke up. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I had just invited her to live with me for the summer and they broke up! Shit balls.

I told Ms. EatsPlentyOfCheeseburgers this morning that someone must be listening to us. Whatever. It’s time for a day on the beach and dress shopping.


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