We’re Adults. Why Is This So Hard?

Do you ever have those friendships that seem to be surrounded by conflict? Enough to where the two of you are butting heads and the only way it seems to be resolved is by one of you getting so angry that their head pops off? I feel like I have one of those with Mr. Bear.

Mr. Bear is an ex of mine, as we have reviewed before. Our relationship ended approximately 2 years ago and we decided to remain friends. But you see the problem is he doesn’t really understand the boundaries of what a friendship is. As an ex, I have enough respect for him to be politely and mindful of his current lady friend, who ever she may be. The way I see it is I have no right to be mad or jealous at her. She did nothing wrong, and our relationship with 2 years ago. I repeat 2 years ago. I am mature and confident enough in my self that it really shouldn’t matter what he does in his personal life, and it doesn’t.

What I take regard with is that he pesters the shit out of me with he either A-doesn’t have a lady friend, or B-I have a man friend. Let’s take example A. Mr. Bear breaks up with her current interest, and what does he do, call me. And I don’t mean call me in the “oh whoa is me” way. I mean call me in the booty call way. No thank you. I’ll pass. Calling (after I either don’t answer or hang up) turns to texting. Let’s review.

Mr. Bear: “How are you?”
Me: “Not bad. Been sick. Got a gnarly cough.”
Mr. Bear: “Oh. Sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better. You know if you came to (undisclosed location) I could make you feel better. 😉 ”
Me: “Um. I think I’m fine right here. I’ll be fine.”
Mr. Bear: “I bet I could think of a few things to make you feel better. ;)”

Seriously, I’m not biting and this conversation continued as such for a good 20 messages after this. At what point do I have to bluntly say, “Get the fuck off my nuts?!” Plus you know better than to ever trust anything that involves a winky face.

Now for example B. Say I causally mention a friend of mine that happens to be a male in conversation, for instance I say, “I’m going to see Mr. Greek on XYZ, blah, blah.” The rest of the conversation really doesn’t matter. Mr. Bear will say nothing. So you think “Ah. Yes. He finally isn’t going to be a dick about the situation.” Wrong. The next time we meet up, I kidd you not, the first words out of his mouth will be as follows:

Mr. Bear: “Hey Nelson. It’s good to see you. So how’s your new boyfriend, Mr. Greek?”
Me: (In my head, what the fuck dude!?! I never said he was my boyfriend, and why are we discussing this?) “He’s not my boyfriend, but he is doing well.”
Mr. Bear: “So how was your visit with Mr. Greek?”
Me: (In my head, is it really any of your fucking business? No.) “It went well. You know cooked dinner, hung out, had a good time.”
Mr. Bear: “Oh so are you like a thing now?”
Me: (In my head, are you fucking kidding me?! If I wanted you to know I would tell you myself. So fucking digging for information.) “No. Just friends. So, Sunshine…”

And heaven forbid I actually bring a guy around in his presence that I know and he doesn’t. Regardless of if I’m fucking him or not, Mr. Bear automatically assumes that I am. Thus, he proceeds to get very protective. It really pisses me off, and it’s not ok. How about you not spend your night attempting to separate my friends and I just so you can “talk” to me. I really don’t deal  well with drunken hands and sappy shit in general.

So given the situation, I’m about at my wit’s end with Mr. Bear. I would love to remain his friend, but I don’t think he has what it takes to be mine. I am respectful of all of his decisions and give him honest advice when he asks for it. As for him giving me the same amount of respect, he has failed to do it for 2 years. What really gets me is that we are adults and this shit really shouldn’t matter, but for some reason to him it does. Which is even more perplexing to me because he is, after all, the one that broke up with me. So if anything this situation should be the other way around. Good thing I’m a level-headed bitch.

That is until St. Patty’s. That’s when I next see him. Also, HairSwoop will be there apparently, so this will be a drunken pissed off night for me, or so I’m predicting. Iamsohip come save me!


4 thoughts on “We’re Adults. Why Is This So Hard?

  1. harrymillar says:

    In my limited experience there is no such thing as “remain friends” after a break-up. You’re either lovers, or you aren’t. A lover never becomes a “friend” after an affair and “remaining friends” to me is social code for not yelling at each other or trying to cut the guts off the other. In public, that is.

  2. Pernelson says:

    True in most cases for me. I do have one guy (Mr. Breadstick) that is a friend of mine and we remained friends after we broke up. Maybe it’s a maturity thing? I really don’t understand it. Then again maybe I’m not meant to.

    • harrymillar says:

      My private theory is that cases where it really does work – keeping friends, that is – are cases where friends just happened to have some sex along the way.

      Although that wouldn’t explain why the sex part usually kills the friendship…

      Anyway, maturity certainly comes into it too.

      • Pernelson says:

        Good point about friends that just happen to have sex along the way. I have a few of those. Fortunately for me, Mr. Breadstick and I didn’t go down that road. I think that is why we are able to remain friends, plus the maturity piece.

        The sex part I think kills the friendship because of jealousy. It’s a mature of people can’t stand to be rejected in the sack. When they are rejected and replaced, they immediately get jealous. That jealousy kills the friendship.

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