So I recently read the blog post below and as I was looking at the eight people they listed not to bring I thought of at least one of my friends for each of them, not going to name names. Now, although I love my friends dearly, some of them can only be taken in small, limited doses. Let’s explore.
1. The One With Great Abs.–Yes now I will say that I don’t have a bad body. There are things here and there that I would like to fix, but they are only things that I will see about myself. Although I appear confident, I am actually a very self-conscientious of everyone around me. I mentally log who looks better than me. Fact of life. Now I have a few friends that are absolutely to die for in a bathing suit, but if I’m going out with her to the beach, I don’t want to constantly hear from the peanut gallery about how great she looks. Women, I know she is drop dead gorgeous, but I don’t want to hear every 5 seconds about how much you hate her because you are jealous of her. Men, I know she can drop your jaw and turn your head, but please keep the drooling to yourself.
2. The Mooch.–Ah yes. We all have that friend. Although I generally let things progress and aid them in mooching, I do get annoyed after a while. Hey friend, why don’t you buy your own damn meal instead of eating everyone else’s leftovers. Beer. Ok. I bought the last 2 cases. You can buy the next considering that you drink most of it anyways.
3. The One With The Boyfriend (or Husband).–Yes I realize that you love your significant other to pieces but I don’t really give a shit. I’m so sick of hearing about them 24/7 and I swear to you if you don’t get off that damn phone and join the party, I’m going to throw that piece of shit out the window. You are here with us. He/She is not here. Do not allow them to dictate your day. A 20 minute call at the end of the day is completely permissible. Texting occasionally, totally fine with that. But you do not need to have connect with them every five seconds.
4. The Sloppy Drunk.–Baby girl I love you, but I do not want to be your mama every night and take care of your drunk ass. I don’t want to prevent you from fighting. I don’t want to hold your hair as you puke. I don’t want to put you to bed every night. And I damn sure don’t want to deal with you crying. You are a grown ass woman. Act like it.
5. The Planner.–NO. NO. NO. NO. I don’t like you! I want to relax and not do anything. I do not want a schedule, other than a “scheduled” beer run. I do not want to wake up every day at 6 AM for a run. I’ll do it when I feel like it. If you are a planner, I will fight you every step of the way. I like the non plan plan.
6. The Flirt.–I realize everyone has needs, but you got to give other people a chance too. Please don’t hog the men. The women will hate you. If he is really into you, ok. But ask if he has friends for your friends please.
7. The Tourist.–Just an FYI, I don’t like to look like a tourist. We can go and see lots of things, but I’d rather see the culture. Not the fancy tower that’s only here to attract people. The really substance is where the people are, so please don’t make me wear the running shoes with socks, the shorts with the fanny back, the shirt with the really bad sunburn, with the visor and the camera. Yuck.
8. The Complainer.– One, you are not at work. Two, you are not at home. Three, you are on vacation. Relax and enjoy it. You did pay for it. Four, if you are going to complain you can get your complaining ass right back to where you came from, or I’m going to duck tape your mouth shut.
In other news, any suggestions for places/things to do for my Spring Break?
via College Candy