After reading Confessions of a Love Addict’s post, I really got to thinking about my non-negotiables, or as a friend of mine likes to call them, the dealbreakers. These are things that no matter how great the person looks, or how wonderful their personality is, the relationship will absolutely not work. Everybody has these dealbreakers and I damn sure do not have a problem admitting mine. Call it being picky/shallow/having standards that are too high. I don’t care. These are standards that I must have.
1. If you are a mama’s boy, we will not make it.–I learned this lesson back when I was dating Pig. Now that boy loved his mama and I see nothing wrong with that. But when you don’t stand up to your parents and defend me when I have done nothing wrong, we have a problem. A very big problem. Moreover, if you can’t tell your mama no because you “don’t want to hurt her feelings”, not only are you going to piss me off, but I’m going to be the most uncooperative bitch that you have ever seen. Finally, if you ever, and I mean ever, utter the words “well that’s not how my mom does it” to me, I promise you, you won’t do it again.
2. You have to have a job, or at least be looking.–I will not be your suga-mama, and if you think that I will be, you are sadly mislead. You have to be able to stand on your own two feet, just like I do. Because if the bottom falls out of the relationship, you have to be secure enough to be ok. Also, I will not be paying for everything under the sun. Do I mind paying for groceries when I’m cooking? No, but I do mind you eating me out of house and home. Give and take. Give and take.
3. You will not ignore me!–It’s all about communication people. If you can’t carry on an intelligent conversation with me, I can guarantee that I will become very irritated with you very quickly. If you open your mouth and the only thing I hear is one word responses, I’m going to refuse to engage in “conversation” with you. If you ignore me there will be hell to pay. I absolutely cannot stand to be ignored. Just answer the damn question!
4. You got to have an open mind.–I never get more frustrated than when I have to deal with people who are narrow minded and just plain ignorant. I’m not saying that we have to agree on everything, or that you have to love everything in sight. But I do require that you at least consider and understand the other side of the argument. Otherwise, you will find me tell you that you are an ignorant ass, along with a few other names, and then walking away.
5. You must get along with my boys (and some of my girls).–Plain and simple. You don’t have to like most my girl friends because you don’t have to hang out with them and you can’t get jealous of them. However, you do have to like my boys and certain girl friends for a number of reasons. First, you probably will be spending a good amount of time around them. Second, if you aren’t with me, I’m probably still out with them, so we need to avoid the issue of jealousy. Third, if my boys and my close girls don’t like you, they will tell me. Fourth, if you hurt me, consider the bounty that will be put on your head. Fifth, my friends are a reflection of me, and if you don’t like them, chances are there are parts of me that you aren’t going to like either.
6. There will be no kegs.--Kegs…as in beer guts. I have a standard. If you are not in shape, I’ll vomit when you touch me. I’m not even remotely attracted to men who have a little extra to love. I’m sorry, but it repulses me. Now you don’t have to work out everyday, but you do need to take care of yourself. And as Mr. Boxer put it “if you get fat, we won’t be friends.” So true.
7. You have to travel.–If you sit at home all the time and never have a desire to go, see, and do things, chances are you won’t be spending a lot of time with me. I love to travel, to see new things, to explore and learn. If you don’t want to hop on my train and travel the world with me, then you sure as in hell aren’t going to derail it.
8. Must love my children.–My children, as known as my kids/cats, are my babies. I’m not giving them up just because you don’t like them. Get over it. My kids are my entertainment, silent source of right, they never argue back, and always love me when I get home. That’s more than I can say for most men I have met. So, if you don’t like my kids, then you will be in the liter box.
9. Liar, Liar. Pants on fire. Literally.–Don’t you ever lie to me. Not even little white lies. Also, choosing not to tell the truth is the same thing as lying. I’d rather you say something and we deal with it, versus me finding out on my own, because it’s very likely that I will severely injure you.
10. Finally, you have to know how to dress yourself.–I know this sounds like a bit of an obvious statement, but if you are a grown ass man and you don’t know how to dress, I will judge you. Holes in clothes, unless they are cleaning clothes (or something of that sort) will not fly. You can’t match colors, I will freak out. And since I’m currently panicking thinking about the number of possibilities that could go wrong, I’m just going to stop there. Just know that as an adult, I expect you to dress like one.
I make incredible demands on myself. Some may call me a perfectionist, others may coin the term “over-achiever”, and I can’t even begin to count the amount of times someone has told me they envy my bravery. But to me, none of these titles really fit who I am because I’ve never thought twice about pushing myself to the extreme or shooting for my dreams – no matter how unattainable they may seem. To me, the most terrifying risk is not giving the th … Read More