Only The Weary Rest

Day three of vacation and it was already set up to be a long, cold one. I awoke feeling like a grumpy little shit. Once again, I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower. Today was a photo shoot day, so the ordeal of getting ready took longer that I ever really needed it too. After stressing over my hair for 30 minutes and putting on a new face, I was finally ready to go. I (semi) happily bounced my way out the door. Holy mother of god. I was slapped in the face and instantly frozen by the wind. So much for nice hair today. The shoot was outdoors and I was about to freeze my ass off.

I quickly made my way to the truck and to my mother’s house. We ventured out with the camera in tow. The spot today was a bridge. A bridge that was 1.25 miles away from my truck. Cold. Oh so cold. I got my pictures done quickly. It was too cold and windy for this. My nose was running. Nothing better than a snotty model. Sexy. I hustled my way back to the truck and we made our way to the ABC store. Christmas gifts were purchased. We gossiped about some people. Standard really. We made our way to The Waterstone, had a delicious pizza and beer. Dinner was interrupted by Mr. Delicious.

Mr. Delicious, much like Mr. Breadstick, has decided that it’s now ok to be nice to me and try to be my friend. Although I don’t mind it and I don’t understand the sudden change in heart and why they thought it was ok to be an asshole in the first place. Whatever. I’m not really in the mood to think too much in depth about this at the moment.

I ventured my way back home, napped my way through the hour and the Mr. Greek showed up. We went to dinner and had some very pleasant conversation, much of which should not have been dinner table type of conversation. It was more than enjoyable and relaxing. I was finally able to escape and let my brain rest for a few moments out of the day. I enjoy spending time with him. I’m just not entirely sure what I want at the moment. My fault for being an asshole to him, I know. And I also know that it’s wrong. Nonetheless, I very much value our time together. Everything was peachy until bedtime. When I laid down in bed, I went to thinking again. UGH. I just want to sleep in peace but that is apparently too much to ask. All I want is to relax, but I can’t seem to do that unless someone is there to fill that void. My mind races uncontrollably. I think about how life could be, should be, and how I want it to be. It’s so hard for me to balance all this in my mind. Instead I run and I know that I do. This is because when I actually go after what I want I get rejected every single time. I’m so sick of it.

Who knows what the new year will bring, but I hope it’s something good and worth my time.

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