Say What You Mean And Mean What You Say

Ladies and Gentlemen. I am irritated with those of you who say one thing but continually do another. My biggest example is when you say you want a nice guy or gal, and then you pick the assholes.

For the ladies, please please please I beg of you for the love of god pick the nice guy! Stop saying I want a guy who’s smart, nice, good looking, has goals and ambitions, etc. if you don’t mean it. Seriously, the assholes finish first and ruin your live (or so you think) because you let them. I have a saying that nice guys finish last but all the good ones are taken. If you are confused let me explain for a quick second. Ladies always want a nice guy, but pick the assholes. Yet they complain to their other single ladies how so-and-so’s relationship is so grand and her boyfriend is perfect. Cry me a river! One, don’t be jealous EVER. Two, get up off your ass and be in charge of your life. Unlike cats, you only have one so don’t end up having simply visited this world. Three, the douchebags are not worth your time. Four, never settle for the first thing that comes along. There are better fish in the sea than the one you’ve been frying. Five, (and merely a side note) once you find your boo, don’t let him consume your life. I promise that no matter how great your friends are they will talk trash about you behind your back because of it.

For the gentlemen, if I hear one more of you say that you just want to meet the perfect girl, I’m going to sucker punch you in the nuts. I hear a number of guys say this. Then they come home 2 weeks later with a crazy bitch. Not only is she crazy, but she dumb as a rock, tries way too hard to fit in with the bros, wear entirely too much makeup, her clothes are nonexistent, and let’s not forget that if you bring up the idea of eating she’ll throw up on you. The sex can’t be that good to deal with all of that. So please stop encouraging the population of the shallow end of the gene pool, and let them all go become strippers for T-Pain.

Let’s put an end to all the ridiculousness and drama now. When you meet a nice guy or gal, ask them out on a date. A legit date. Hard to believe those even exist anymore but they do. Gentlemen, so the ladies that chivalry is not entirely dead. Ladies, try not to be an overbearing independent. Guys are more willing to date you when they think it’s their idea.

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