This Is Not A Fairytale World

 

Not every story about love is happy. Sometimes people get lucky and they get to live their lives like a Disney film or a Taylor Swift song, but mostly this is not the case.  Me, I am a victim of hopeless love. I have often said that I could love anyone, and I can. Maybe not the way they deserve to be the loved but I can truly love anyone. Perhaps when it comes to dating, that this is my problem.

Currently, I am talking to a gentlemen by the name of Mr. Greek. He is 5′ 10″, dirty blonde hair, a runner, a Marine. I find him attractive. We have been talking for  about 5 or 6 months now. He likes me. I think I like him. After this amount of time, I feel like I should feel something. I try and I think and nothing. Nothing. No emotion. No attachment. Just blank numbness. As much as I want to feel something. I don’t. I often think that something is wrong with me. This is not a natural reaction. I should, at the very least, care. But I don’t. If I talk to him, ok. If I don’t, it’s no big deal. Seeing him in person does make a difference. I’m just empty.

Now I know if push came to shove I could fake my love for someone but conscientiously, I know I’m wasting my time. I want to love someone and have them love me back so much it’s not even funny. But I can’t find that person. I have given up on looking for love. I hope that it will just waltz into my life one day but when that is, I don’t know. Today’s culture appears to be so different from the years before. Everything is so much more complex and about instant gratification. Sometimes I wish I could just take a step back into time. Life seemed so much simpler then. As so many people have told me before, I should have been born in the 60’s.

Regardless, here’s to living life freely. As it should be lived. This world we live in is not Nelson’s world. It’s here. It’s real, and there is no need or rational reason to paint yourself in a white picket fence world just to later realize that you live in the graveyard.

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