Relationship Box

Why? Why? WHY are “relationships” so damn complicated? I grew up with a fairly black and white model of what a relationship is. You are one of three things: single, have a sexual partner (just ONE!), or in a committed relationship. See sweet and simple. I do not understand how the society that we live in got so complicated, so I’m challenging you to fit yourself (and you over-sized relationship) in to one of these simple boxes.

SINGLE–It means exactly what it sounds like. Just one. Just you. No attachments. No commitments. You are friends with people, but you are not having sex with another. There is no one but you that you have to be responsible for. You are free to come and go as you please, but mind you this does not give you the right to act like an asshole. Do as your mother taught you; treat others the way that you want to be treated. Be single, be free, and don’t be a whore.

HAVING A SEXUAL PARTNER–Once again, it is what it sounds like. You have ONE sexual partner. Just one. You are, yet again, not allowed to act like a whore. It’s not safe and if you are a man, you will have some crazy bitches chasing you. No one wants that. This sweet little relationship allows you to get the milk without buying the cow. You can have fun in the sack, but you don’t have to have dinner with them first. It’s like semi-relationship. Just don’t be sleeping with any and everything that has legs.

A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP–For the third time, it’s what it sounds like. You are in a one, committed relationship with one person. You are required to participate in life with this person, which includes communication and actually paying attention to them. You have to purchase the cow to get the milk. Ladies, please allow the gentlemen to do the chasing. This way they think it’s their idea and it works out better for you. Moreover, please make sure that they are gentlemen. Leave the douchebags, assholes, and scumbags alone.

Now with these relationships, you are not allowed to have add-ons. No extra’s on the side. Doing so moves you into a different category typically labeled “unproductive whore which contributes nothing expect a headache and needs to attend AA meetings (assholes anonymous)”.

For once in your life, break the norm and conform to one of these three boxes.


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